Fred Grist and Mike Beard describe a unique facility for youngsters who face highly complex and challenging experiences in life.

BY THE age of 12, Andy was a regular user of drugs and alcohol. He spent his days and, increasingly, his nights with vagrants on the streets and his single mother, struggling to cope with five children by five fathers, was unable to stop him.

Andy's behaviour became so aberrational and aggressive that, after many failed placements, he was sent to a secure unit. Even there, staff couldn't cope, so his local authority paid for an expensive private placement operated by two burly ex-bouncers, who kept him out of trouble in a house in the country. When Andy became emotionally aroused and frustrated, as he routinely did every day, their solution was to make him work out on the punch bag they had installed for the purpose. Otherwise, he sat watching television or was taken on long walks in remote places. His contact with other young people, or adults, was zero.

Andy was referred to Fellside (Woodlands School, as it was then known) when he was 13. In the three years since, he has willingly engaged in schoolwork for the first time in his life and has learned to relate to others and to find better ways to manage himself. His gradual reintegration into family life means that he is returning to his hometown this summer, where he will be going to college and then seeking gardening and grounds maintenance work, for which he has discovered he has both enthusiasm and talent.

Andy's story is not unusual. Most of the young people who come to Fellside have a background of abuse and a history of placements in care that have seriously broken down, resulting in some desperate solutions. Thirteen-year-old Vanessa had been put into care and then, because of her "dangerous sexualised behaviour" (grabbing at female carers' breasts or groins when she was upset, which often led to her being restrained), ended up in a 'secure house' by herself, where she was looked after by (and was deemed to need) five adult carers. She didn't attend school, also spent her days watching television and had no contact with young people. Another young lad, Miles, had acquired several labels by the time his placement had broken down, including attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, Asperger's syndrome, dyspraxia, reactive attachment disorder and several antisocial disorders, on account of which it was concluded he needed constant supervision.

Unsurprisingly, by the time they come to us, many of the children's difficulties have escalated sharply because so many of their needs are failing to be met: needs for emotional security, social connection, autonomy and control, meaning and purpose and so on. They are commonly overwhelmed by feelings of worthlessness, low self-esteem and the inevitability of failure.

Often they don't even know how to enjoy themselves, play creatively, learn, make friends or participate in any group activity and, indeed, even lack the motivation to seek out almost any positive experiences. Most have assumed that it is their fault that their world is such an unhappy place.

Therapy, in its broadest sense, is relief from pain and suffering and pro-
motion of health and wellbeing. At Fellside, we set out to achieve this by creating a safe living and learning environment, where all can share the values of the community, experience the genuine care we have for each other, and come to realise potential. All of our work is underpinned by the philosophy of the human givens approach: when someone is unhappy, unwell or being difficult, emotional needs are not being met in a balanced, authentic way or else innate resources are not being used correctly. This doesn't remove a young person's responsibility for their behaviour, but it does provide an insight into why they are behaving as they are and it may give some clues to the solution.

Living at Fellside ensures an integrated learning experience, through structured education, individual therapy, small discussion groups and shared activities within the home and in the local community. Every year, staff go on holiday with all the children, staying, for instance, in cottages in Ireland, the Isle of Eigg or camping. This way of living allows each young person to challenge what has gone before in their lives, to look for what is missing and to work towards change. It is crucial that our young people want to change and have the capacity to do so. We are not about containment; we are about development. As a precious, limited, resource, we opt to help those who have a desire to change and improve their lives. So, choosing who comes to join us is extremely important.

The first step

We refer to this as "Join up". Initial home visits (preferably two, usually made by Fred) are a crucial source of information. Seeing the physical environment generates an idea of a family's values, even if the child in question is already in care. For instance, what do the family members choose to spend their money on? (One home had huge flat-screen TVs but the son's room contained only a mattress and the bathroom walls were peppered with holes, where the father punched his fist when drunk.) And is a visitor offered something to drink (a telling indication of a child's likely understanding of normal social intercourse)? The aim is to meet as many family members as is possible, to see how the child fits into the family dynamics.

How the child reacts to the idea of a placement at Fellside depends upon their history. Those who have already been in a placement that has broken down (and one of our children had had 18 before coming to us) tend to have preconceived ideas about "another crappy residential home". Those who have never been in care are very nervous about what it will be like, especially as most will know at least one child in their street or estate who has been in care and has told them in no uncertain terms the horrors to expect.

Fred brings pictures of children engaged in productive activity and having fun, as well as pictures of the beautiful house and all the rooms in it. He provides as much information as he can to start to set their minds at rest and encourage them to visualise the kinds of things they would be doing at Fellside. He then asks some questions that are completely novel to them. What kind of things do they like doing? What are they good at? What would they like from a visit to Fellside? What are their own expectations — for this placement and for their lives? Do they expect to remain in care? What would they like us to do for them? (That floors them.) We also clearly distinguish needs from wants. If their aim is to become a taxi driver or a builder or a hairdresser, what skills do they think they will need in order to achieve that?

In effect, it is the format of a mini-therapy session, building rapport, gathering information and encouraging the child to think realistically about expectations and goals, access their resources and start to rehearse the good things they could expect to experience at Fellside. Young people have such resilience and a wealth of resources that it is easy for the conversation to flow.

Often, they don't know the answers to such questions at that time. At a second visit, it becomes clear how they have processed the information received — or if they have given it any thought at all. Our young people like to refer back to those initial meetings and laugh at some of the things they said or did. It gives them a sense of how much they have moved on.

A visit to Fellside

When children come to visit us for their first time, they are invited to arrive about an hour before lunchtime. Some believe they need to swagger and look confident, to show they are bomb proof; others are clearly scared to death. Our children are brilliant at helping them feel relaxed; they have all been there themselves, and remember it well. Most of the visit is spent with our young people. After a tour of the premises, including sitting in on a bit of a lesson, the new child is invited to lunch, where staff and children all eat together. Our shared mealtimes are a really enjoyable occasion and our kids are skilled at working to include someone nervous and new.

Fourteen-year-old Mark refused to join in the meal on his first day. Staff didn't insist, and just let him sit on the swings outside, warily watching through the window. He had never had a family meal, let alone eaten at a big table. He was unnerved by seeing polite, helpful children, unaware that they had all once been as anxious and out of control as he was. He was a daily drug user and desperately wanted to help himself. But, whereas he knew he could survive on the street, where he had to be hard and self-protecting, being in a place where people cared about him and he had a nice room and exciting opportunities was scary. He was terrified of failure.

Mark came back for another visit and still wouldn't share a meal (a prerequisite for acceptance into the school because it demonstrates a willingness to engage with peers and adults). He set up obstacles — "I wouldn't want to come here unless I could paint my room the colours I want". "You can. All the children here paint their rooms as they want them." "Well, then, I wouldn't want to go to class every day." And so it went on, until he was gradually reassured, participated in a meal and joined us, since when he has made stunning progress.

Vanessa's carers were appalled when, on her visit (we had already met her twice by then), we suggested she go down the road with one of our children to post a letter; they expected to go with her, because of her 'dangerous sexualised behaviour'. But we were confident the brief expedition would be fine, as indeed it was. The 'dangerous sexualised behaviour' disappeared within a few weeks, once we had viewed it from a human givens perspective and responded accordingly.

Vanessa suffers, as a result of a genetic condition, from a cognitive impairment that left her, as a 13-year-old, with a mental age of seven. She was going through puberty and had become interested in female sexual characteristics but in a childish, inappropriate way — thus the grabbing at breasts and genitals when upset, and subsequently being restrained. She had quickly realised that doing this brought her instant attention, albeit negative, and so had learned to repeat it; in a house where she was the only child and often left in front of a television, any individual one-to-one attention was better than nothing.

If children have learned to respond to frustrations or difficulties by running away, being violent or doing inappropriate things, they are going to do so when they arrive at Fellside, and we expect it. Vanessa duly grabbed at female staff. She also, however, displayed an amazing ability to notice details, such as the fact that the cornicing in the ceiling of one room was different from that in the other rooms. We calmly commented on how good she was at noticing things, such as the cornicing detail, and how therefore we had no doubt at all she could remember and recall all that was explained to her — this brought an acknowledging, wry smile.

We then 'noticed' the fact that inappropriate grasping at breasts and genitals had, in the past, reliably brought her a lot of attention; but then described some of the more positive ways young people might gain attention. By validating the reasons for her actions instead of criticising, we were quickly able to substitute new, more desirable means of meeting her attention needs.

Striving for goals

Most important, in terms of whether a place is offered, is evidence of the motivation to change — and willingness to strive for goals. All young people already at Fellside also have input as to whether a place is offered. Mark said he wanted to do something about his drug use and to be respected. But, at that stage, he had no real idea that he needed to earn respect.

Similarly, all of our children have failed either to form or to sustain positive relationships with others, yet none could say, at this stage, "I want to get on with people", as none had identified their inability to do so. Most goals initially relate to being safe and happy.

Making children feel safe enough to become happy is a prime goal of ours too. We achieve it through the physical and emotional environment we create. Our children don't want to be somewhere that is chaotic (they've had too much of that); the ambience at Fellside is settled and calm. We are honest with them and respect their ability to make their own decisions. We also have realistic expectations of them, and encourage them to have

READ ON >>

© Joe Griffin and Ivan Tyrrell 2006

This article first appeared in Volume 13, No, 1 (2006) of the Human Givens journal.

FRED GRIST is principal of TheSPACE, which he founded in 2000 along with senior administrator, (and partner) Jane Leeson. He has nearly 30 years' teaching experience,the latter half spent teaching, or, as a head, in residential special schools in the North West. For a number of years, he was Chair of the Cumbria Registration and Inspection Unit. He holds the Human Givens Diploma.

MIKE BEARD became director of therapeutic services for TheSPACE in September 2004. He previouslly worked within Devon Local Education Authority, where his work focused on the development and delivery of training for health and education professionals working with vulnerable young children. He has also worked for the Criminal Justice Service and at a strategic level within ther Connexions service. He holds the Human Givens Diploma

> More information, including all references, can be found in the following book, by Joe Griffin and Ivan Tyrrell

Human Givens: A new approach to emotional health and clear thinking

> You can find out more on the issues raised in this article at the following Human Givens College training days:

Working effectively with troubled and troublesome teenagers

Children's unmet emotional needs: Skills for identifying and meeting them

Return to top

> More information, including all references, can be found in the following book, by Joe Griffin and Ivan Tyrrell

Human Givens: A new approach to emotional health and clear thinking

> You can find out more on the issues raised in this article at the following Human Givens College training days:

Working effectively with troubled and troublesome teenagers

Children's unmet emotional needs: Skills for identifying and meeting them

Return to top